a letter from bluemerry

dear max,

a moment of weakness from you, months of weakness from me... i am trying to mend this proportion and not by stirrinng you up or making you feel miserable and weak. 

i have to admit that my letter was a bit half-baked. i am trying my best, but you know that most of the time i am like a flash in the pan with my moods. i would like to improve in this. 

saying farewell was not in my mind at all! although, it might have seemed like that... 

i also have to say that my letter might have been a bit demanding, although it was not my purpose.

i guess i was the weak one, again...

please, forgive me for this!

i think that i reached a point when i had to realise how much i need any kind of feedback or information from you. this, again, is a really selfish 'demand'. i am just looking for the best way to protect the most important thing for me. and it seemed a good idea to have this 'not-even-existing' place and make it bloom. i imagined that it could always remind me of my aim. 

i hope i managed to explain more clearly what i wanted to tell you and what i wanted to ask from you. if it is not the way you want to do it, please tell me! and do not torture yourself with thoughts like i am desperate and sad. i have to cope with this situation as well as you. i have to find my solutions.

you already helped a lot - as you always do. and i think i already improved a little bit. suprisingly. =)

i also hope that you will not find this letter unsettling. it is so hard to mediate your thoughts and especially your feelings and your mood in letters, without any gesture or the tone of your voice. and it is so easy to misinterpret...

hope you are alright!

love,

bluemerry, who is rather merry than blue

ps1: find attached a big, loooong, lavender-scented hug and a kiss on your forehead.

ps2: i also send you Naughty, the shrew(d). i hope she will not chew out herself from the envelope or nibble my letter. watch out with her! she likes smuggling ripe blueberries into your pocket (and they really leave unremoveable spots in your clothes!) and she likes chewing other one's ears while the moon is full...