százholdas pagonyt, most

csendben.halkan.suttogóban.valami ki nem mondható.

igencsak

leginkább...

...valami ilyesmi...

őszintén, önmarcangolás nélkül, jó adag lelkifurdalással...

Ahogy én hallottam...

"Ashes"

I am a pain in you're ass
And I'm wondering how long it's gonna last
Be my mirror, be my friend,
Be the workhouse of the energy
I twist you 'round to spin

Everyday, like a power station
You know it isn't good
I know you're burning too much wood
Oh, and you burn out
The twisted irony is
Your ashes come home to me
Come home to me

So we take a walk
To make some sense
And I'm wondering if you fancy my defence
I have pushed you
Way too far
And you say Fuck you little princess
Who the hell do you think you are?

Everyday, like a power station
You know it isn't good
You know you're burning too much wood
But I said if you burn out
The twisted irony is
Your ashes come home to me
Come home to me
Come home to me

Yeah well your ashes come home to me
Come home to me
Come home to me

You know well the circus gonna have you and we fuckin' meant to be
We meant to be
We meant to be

Ne is tagadd

Rólunk szól

sziromeső, forgószél

picicsalogány

Csalogány - fülemüle

Fülemüle, fülemüle, gyönyörü madár,
szólal, szólal, szólal már.

Pittyen a fészek, zörren az ág,
moccan a hegyeken a hajnali láng.

Jegenyefa-jegenyefa-jegenyefa-lánc,
sima út szélén kettős ránc.

Denevér, bak-egér, északi szél,
kondul az óra, megszöktél,

három mérföld és egy fél
hosszu hajamba mért téptél?

Fülemüle, fülemüle, gyönyörü madár,
hallgat, hallgat, hallgat már. 

/Weöres Sándor: Fülemüle/


április 25. Márk
Ha megszólal a pacsirta, a béka, jó termést várhatsz,
Ellenben ha hallgat a fülemüle,akkor változékony lesz a tavasz. 

meg ő és ő

jutalom: hajóratűzrevízrehórafel

Octopus love story

be the 7th!

dear max,

the name of the game remains a secret, but i give you some of the rules. maybe you will get them maybe you won’t. it is still a game… a stupid one.

1st
don’t be afraid to be wild. sometimes you seek it, sometimes you need it.

2nd
don’t hesitate to be mad if you have the chance. some things may seem useless and insane but you won’t know how important they are until you do them.

3rd
be brave. do not be afraid for a moment. we are playing.

4th
dream. even with eyes wide open.

5th
there are times when you should not speak. times when you should not ask a single question. you need to do things.

6th
never pull someone down to the ground if you could join…

7th
never forget that there are no rules in life at all...

=)

tessékengedni

hahiszedhanemkézenfoglak. belerángatlak. vad lesz. és vidám.

tesséktáncolni.

thumbsucker

It would be good...

gondolatok keringőre

szemet lehuny. forogpörög.

őrültőrültőrültvilág. csakmosolyognilehet...

mertmostcsakúgy =)

teabag origami

-

aranyos

Sandra and Woo

Csak úgy. Mert szerintem aranyos :$

wildboard?

wildboard

(Actually, while I was drawing this, I have realized, that the board is not a synonym of the table in english at all... :$)

dear max who draws chickadees

dear max,

i tried on the smiles today - they fit perfectly! =)
oh, and the chickadees are happy. now that they had been immortalized by a painter, they feel like they are going down in history!

hope your smiles fit perfectly, too!

love,
mary

ps: find attached thirteen wandering steps and five dancing hugs. i saved them only for you.

My Chickadee

Dear Mary,

I hope, you do well! I had no time to go to the post, so I send you a dozen big smiles with my chickadee instead. Please promise, that you will wear them (the smiles) as offen as you can! They are very-very comfortable, I am pretty sure =)

Hugs,

Max Horowitz

chickadees in my mind

dear max,

believe it or not, today i managed to get up in time. i was so surprised i kept wondering 'am i dreaming or not?' for half an hour or so. anyway, it was a good morning, so far.

do you remember that pigeon we 'saved' (or almost killed in our goodwill)? it just came into my mind today... i am going to feed the birds in the garden in the afternoon. 

if i ever have my own place (hopefully with a garden) i am going to make a nice birdhouse and feed the chickadees, buntings and goldfinches in winter. 

hope you're well!

mary

átsuhan

maybe it's high time to seriously start not to take myself seriously...

8.20

x on the wall

dear max,

i put this x on the wall to remind me all the days like this. 

and i hope i will be able to use this x and draw something stunning out of it. 

i hope it is just a step in a metamorphosis, i hope that this portion of anger that made me shout again is one of the last drops of a vanishing feeling. 

thank you for your patient and steadiness again. 

love, 

mary

ps: remember that picture you taken of me with all the beasts i have? we have left out someone. i have to make a lot of pictures of him to soften him - he is an important member of my little group...

metamorphosis

they are everywhere

They really are! Just take a look at the place, where there should be only one picture every day, and the other place, where all the buzz should be presented! ;)

just a few words

dear max,

thank you.

love,
mary

ps: find attached my smiles and my relief. they insisted on falling into the envelope after our conversation this afternoon.

seven sleeping dwarves

i was thinking about posting this video yesterday but i decided to wait with it...

but now here it is. even if i consider today's events, it must be here.

by the way, today's events... funny fact - i still can not wake up alone... :P 

but i starting develop some healthy self-irony arm-in-arm with positive steadfastness. i call it the 'csakazértis'-philosophy... =)

a letter from bluemerry

dear max,

a moment of weakness from you, months of weakness from me... i am trying to mend this proportion and not by stirrinng you up or making you feel miserable and weak. 

i have to admit that my letter was a bit half-baked. i am trying my best, but you know that most of the time i am like a flash in the pan with my moods. i would like to improve in this. 

saying farewell was not in my mind at all! although, it might have seemed like that... 

i also have to say that my letter might have been a bit demanding, although it was not my purpose.

i guess i was the weak one, again...

please, forgive me for this!

i think that i reached a point when i had to realise how much i need any kind of feedback or information from you. this, again, is a really selfish 'demand'. i am just looking for the best way to protect the most important thing for me. and it seemed a good idea to have this 'not-even-existing' place and make it bloom. i imagined that it could always remind me of my aim. 

i hope i managed to explain more clearly what i wanted to tell you and what i wanted to ask from you. if it is not the way you want to do it, please tell me! and do not torture yourself with thoughts like i am desperate and sad. i have to cope with this situation as well as you. i have to find my solutions.

you already helped a lot - as you always do. and i think i already improved a little bit. suprisingly. =)

i also hope that you will not find this letter unsettling. it is so hard to mediate your thoughts and especially your feelings and your mood in letters, without any gesture or the tone of your voice. and it is so easy to misinterpret...

hope you are alright!

love,

bluemerry, who is rather merry than blue

ps1: find attached a big, loooong, lavender-scented hug and a kiss on your forehead.

ps2: i also send you Naughty, the shrew(d). i hope she will not chew out herself from the envelope or nibble my letter. watch out with her! she likes smuggling ripe blueberries into your pocket (and they really leave unremoveable spots in your clothes!) and she likes chewing other one's ears while the moon is full...

letter to Mary

Dear Mary,

Thank you for your letter. I have to admit tough, that it somehow stired me up. I can not really explain why. You did not wrote anything that would hurt me. Maybe it is just the tone of your words, and my not-too-shiny mood-of-the-moment, that caused it. I read it over and over again, and it somehow feels like a farewell letter. It feels like the words of a desperate girl and it made me remember, how much I want you to be happy, and how sorry I am for all the sadness I cause to you.

I will write to you. I will paint to you, and I will help you, as much as I can. If you feel like you need to talk, than I will call you, and generally I will do my best, to make this room, and your life as lively and as happy as it is possible.

You wrote, that all I see, and all I feel is welcomed here, even if it is not completely positive. I think, that this letter is an example of the latter, but I am sure, that these type of scriblings will be the tiniest minority on these walls. A moment of weakness from me. Something, that I do not just share with anybody...

I wish well,

Max Horowitz

P.s.: Find enclosed a looong-long hug, and half-a-dozen faint smiles

blueberry mary

dear max,

thank you for calling me yesterday, again. i hope it was at least as nice for you as it was for me. 

i am just writing to tell you that i think i am going to need your help now... of course only if you are in - i do not want to force anything...

i need your help in painting this room. leave spots, draw flowers, splotch your hands and your face, paint with them, cut figures from paper and stick them on the wall... take off your shoes and socks and step into the paint bucket, or just grab it and pour all the colours on the wall. i need a lively 'space' to keep blooming all i got, to help me see the world we share, to not forget even the tiniest detail.

all you see, all you feel is welcomed here, even if it is not completely positive, if it is mysterious, if it is a secret. riddles might be extraordinarily helpful.  anything is important for me. i do not want to forget  even a word from our language. 

this post might seem to be a desperate one, but do not worry. i am alright, it is i just need something i can share with you... and i know that it is not going to be easy, but still... are you willing to help me?

love,

mary, the blueberry

The longest road to cross the street

"You know, I came here on the night I left, but I didn't make it past the front door.

I almost walked in, but I knew, that if I did, I would just be the same, old Elisabeth. And I didn't wanted to be that person anymore."

Sometimes, when I feel a bit down, I just make myself remember, that everything has a purpose. I hope it lifts you up as well.

Jeremy

A letter from mary

Dear Max,

I always say that one can not make a mistake in his or her life. It is because from every mistake you can learn something that makes you a better man.

I had to realize  two things about this statement. One: I was too fallen apart for too much time to say honestly that it is part of my philosophy - and I would like to change this. Two: when you do something - well that might be a mistake. It stops being a mistake when you are strong enough to learn from it. And this whole thing only works if you are brave enough to believe that you can not make mistakes - and after all if you believe in yourself. 

I am too, sometimes feel fear. Thousands of questions are whirling in my mind. Will you ever forgive me that I made you take this step that you always tried  to escape from? Will we have the chance to get together again? Will it still work? What if you simply move on? Will you not find someone else meanwhile? Will I ever be able to make up for my selfishness? What will I do if it turns out at the end that I have to go on without you?

But sometimes I feel it was a necessary step. Reading your words and your questions made me sad, but if we both have these questions, that definitely means something, doesn't it?

You wrote that you always tried to make me happy I feel guilt. I realised that I had forgotten about making you happy. I let myself fall apart and I was stucked there. I do not want to be marooned there with my desperate thoughts. I do not want to feel anger for you again. I do not want to be desperate. I do not want to be depressed. 

Taking this step somehow has taken off much weight from my shoulder. I do not feel that frustrating pressure I felt before. It helped me so far. I know that by some means or other I am just trying to dish myself. But somehow it works. I do not feel anger, sadness at the most. And I can not tell you how much grateful I am for this...

I would like to be a little crazy again. I would like to smile at the world, float above the ground, take things easy, laugh at my problems and think they are rather challenges. I would like to be happy for small things and gather as much joy and energy from them, as I can, to make my mistakes stop being mistakes and to help other people in their problems. I would like to be a whole again, like before, and - as it  becomes more and more clear for me as the days go by - give all of it to you.

I wish all the best for you,

Mary Daisy Dinkle

PS1: find five smiles and nine hugs attached. They are fresh and crunchy, I hope they will not go bad by the time you get them.

PS2: I also send you the nightingale I heard from a tree in the center last night. She was lively and lovely even in the gray, foggy weather of yesterday.

A letter from Max

Dear Mary,

Thank you for your letter. I am really, honestly happy to hear, that you feel good.  It really makes me feel a bit easier. I wish I could simply say the same thing about me, but sadly it is not that "simple" in my case.

I can not say, that I feel good, because I have no idea how do I actually feel. And even this statement is not completely true, since I can identify a lot of different feelings chasing around in me as the merry-go-round of my thoughts keeps spinning like a turbine in the strong autumn winds, but I would not be able to point out one feeling, that I would be happy to call the "dominant one".

Sometimes, when I think about the future, I feel fear. I am afraid that we will never gonna find eachother again, and this fear usually slowly turns into sorrow, shame and remorse, because I feel that I should have done much-much better. One of my greatest fears is that you are going to forget that was good, that everything will slowly fade away until you will not be looking for a way back anymore. My mind is telling me that it will not happen, but my soul is just very difficult to persuade.

Some other times - especially when I get reminded somehow that you actually feel better now, and that you are pulling together yourself a little bit - I feel that it was maybe a good decision after all. In the end, I want you to be happy, that is why I was fighting for, during all this time, so I try to take comfort of the thought that at least now, you feel good.

Yet on other occasions, I find myself wondering; what do I do now? What do I expect? On what fundations do I start to rebuild my life? After all, for a long time now, I have based all my thoughts on Us. I was always assuming, that you are going to be there with me. Is it going to happen? I have told you, that I am going to wait for you, but are you going to come? What if you eventually find someone, who is on the right place in the right time? There most be better people out there than me.

And what do I do with all the plans that we came up with together? At least, for this question, I have sort of an answer which says: "You have a lot to improve on yourself, little monkey. Lets take care about those things first, and everything else can wait." 

But all these questions raise even more questions such as: is it really a good thing, that I tell you all about these matters? Is it really gonna help you in coming into terms with yourself? Am I doing the right thing now?

You wanted to know, how do I do. I honestly don't know, but I think, that eventually, I will clear my thoughts and figure out what to do. Do not fear for me! As always, I shall take care of myself.

I wish you well, Mary,
Max Horowitz

letter to max

kedves szobatárs!

furcsa így a szoba nélküled, talán azért, mert nem költöztél ki belőle. a zoknid például tegnap került elő, páratlanul és most a széktámlán pihen. a korcsolyádat pedig kint hagytad száradni és én még lusta voltam elpakolni. és aprópici lámpásokat is hagytál itt - talán nem is lámpások, nem tudom mi lehetnek, de csak este jelennek meg, ha picit elszenderedek és akkor pislákolnak körülöttem a sötétben, némelyik táncot jár. nappal is itt vannak, tudom, de nem látom őket.

nem tudom, mennyire szabad ezt nekem, néha el is szomorodok a gondolattól, de jól érzem magam. körbeforgósan-pörgősen jól. idegen emberekre mosolygok. bolondságokat játszok a fejemben. nem is tudom, mikor voltam ilyen utoljára. 

képzeld, tegnap gitároztam a Kíméletlennel. igazából a zenéléshez nem kell más, csak ő meg 3 akkord. én tolom az akkordokat, ő pedig zenét varázsol belőle.

és tegnap madarakat is etettem. azaz sajnos nem úgy  vagány módon a kezemből etettem, csak a fából készült házikójukba szórtam magot és szalonnagolyót kötöztem nekik a faágra itt a kertben. egyet láttunk is Babilon Legkisebb Fiával az egyik golyóbisnál, de megijedhetett, mert felrebbent, ahogy odaértünk.

és tegnap is meg ma is beszélgettem Zsebibabával. ma eljött ő is a vörösoroszlán barlangjába - ahol nagy mesemegbeszélést tartottunk a csapattal és ahol egész végig James Blunt szólt, amiért nagyon hálás voltam - és együtt sétáltunk hazafelé. sokszor úgy érzem, hogy én is Kanga erszényéből ugrottam ki, csak nem írtak rólam a mesében. jó volt vele beszélgetni, mert most is, ahogy ki kellett mondanom, tisztázódtak a dolgok a fejemben. de most nem szeretném összeszedni.

aztán ma este visszafoglaltam az Óriási Sörnyitót. nem is tudom, mikor jártam arra legutóbb. és mikor simogattam macskákat. (az egyikkel játszottam is és egész estére szóló örömöt okoztam neki azzal, hogy engedtem, hogy az egérpótlékként használt műanyag darabkát megszerezze és dicsőségben elvonuljon vele.) és arra sem emlékszem, hogy mikor éreztem ennyire magaménak a helyet, mikor éreztem utoljára, hogy enyém az éjszaka és ha akarom, a saját teremtményeimmel népesítem be a lámpafényes utcákat...

 azért aggódok. nem tudom, feléd pislákolnak-e este a fények és játszol-e manókkal az esti utcákon. ha nem, igyekszek majd néhányat meggyőzni, hogy nézzen el feléd és ne hagyjon békén, ha nem mosolyogsz eleget. (ez fenyegetés volt. ám.)

lámpásleó!

szép álmokat!

mary

the unbending trees

some of us say that we'd rather have something than absolutely nothing. but the truth is to have it halfway is harder than not having it at all.